I’m sorry I’m not sorry. 

I haven’t done anything in weeks..I haven’t even been answering phone calls or text messages from anyone..

I get up, go to school, come home, go to practice or work and that is it.
Yesterday I went to the movies and when I got home I felt even more depressed.

I just sit here sulking all the time thinking everything is going to magically place itself back together like nothing was ever broken..well I was wrong.

I’m probably sitting here sulking like a complete idiot wasting my time feeling bad for myself while he is out with all of his friends partying or hanging out…most likely with another girl that’s not me..he’s probably tell her that she is beautiful and that she has the most gorgeous eyes, sending her cute text messages with the alien smiles and holds her hand the way he did mine and hugs her tight and is going to tell her everything she wants to hear and I will be nothing but a memory to him.

My fault of course, I was the one that lost myself and didn’t want to be with him anymore, but still.. after a year and seven months…we have only been apart for two weeks…I still care, I always have..

It’s not that I’m jealous or sad, I may be even a little bit angry, I just don’t want to see him hurt himself. 

He used to tell me that I changed him somehow, that he was tired of playing games and that I was the life changer for him..I didn’t do anything..he did that on his own and for himself. I would hate to see him rush into something so fast and eager or something that doesn’t mean a god damn thing and him relapse to a person he hated being..

He is the best of all his brothers and I would hate to see him pull himself down. 

It still makes me sad, all that time and now it’s gone. It seems like I wasted his time. I have cried and cried and can’t stop crying, but that’s normal. So much time and emotion and energy put into one person..of course it’s going to happen. 

I loved him..and when I lost myself, I lost him. There really isn’t anything I can do, I can’t just magically make myself love him again..not when I don’t even love myself. 

I’m not sorry for meeting him, I’m not sorry for loving him, and I’m not sorry for any of it..it was worth it..but now I must find myself somehow and move on..there isn’t anything else I can do.